Allens Ashburton

31/07/2026

A crime has been committed. A crime against my health and wellbeing. The smiling assassin sits beside me. After a night of frivolity, dancing to Jordan Luck at the Tav, and a couple of Shankys (that were forced down my throat....forced I say!) I was looking forward to a leisurely sleep in cradling my poor dehydrated brain.

And then the phone rings. Shhhhhhhhhut that thing up!!! "We've got a job"... ok Batman, can they wait till I'm human again please. "No, it's urgent". Ffs no rest for the wicked or the hungover apparently.

I line the supplements up on the bench. Nutrient Rescue, vitamin C, Liver Detox, anything and everything to help me. Big bowl of granola... Semi human. That will do. Maybe a pie on the way home will help. I'm never drinking again...till next time.

Poowife out.

23/07/2026

Poowife Diaries;
No doubt you have all been enjoying the fabulous light show Mother Nature graced us with this morning. Tumbled out of bed and stumbled to the curtains, ripped them open and was taken aback! I quickly located my phone to document this stupendous occasion and share it with my family. Yes we are that cheesy 🧀

Oooo ahhhhh the photos don't do it justice I say.. probably as I'm bumbling along with a 6 year old Samsung. 📱 Pooman is good at making money...and keeping it. Spending it is frowned upon. (I'm sure I can hear his ar****le squeaking when he walks) 🐁

Anyhoo back to the cinematic glory. We all sent our photos, heart emoji overload. Glorious photo after glorious photo! Oh the splendor!
Then Pooman sends his.🤨 Anti climatic, a word he is familiar with 🤣😉 Yes, his is the last photo.. maybe you will have to get up a bitty bit earlier Pooman 🤣🤣

15/07/2026

Sound on! Hope you aren't eating...

You may think that being a Poowife is a life of glitz and glamour, but no. I feel I have may deceived you with my galavanting around the countryside, dressed to the nines and flaunting my position in this company.

This video is to show you the bare, honest truth of my life. This is one of the many sounds that I awaken to on the daily. My precious beauty sleep is interrupted every morning by the sweet, sweet song of Poomans morning ablution. Lights glaring, doors banging, this sound sounding.

I know, you should feel sorry for me. My life is not glamour its real. Poo surrounds me at every turd, no..turn.

So next time you find yourself wishing you were me, remember this video and all the s**t that surrounds me.

Pray for me.
Poowife out.

14/07/2026

Winner winner!
One happy customer!! Thanks Jane for entering our competition and I hope you enjoy your treat!

Suppose I'll just have to go to the pub with Pooman instead. Hope I get a treat 🤣😉

11/07/2026

Poowife Diaries
What a day! Sunshine and s**t, what a combo. Bit nippy on the p**i though. Pooman said i looked like i was going skiing 🤣⛷️ Poo Bunny today. One must be stylish when sucking the s**t.

Rolled out to Rakaia to stir some s**t up. Literally. I was on gate duty and that sucked for a start. You try being 5 foot and climbing in and out of the giant truck. Workout done 💪

Pooman promised it wouldn't smell....well he was full of s**t too. Gagging is my new flex oh and saving lives. Spotted a wee buddy swimming for its life through the turds. I thought..."not on my watch" and got Pooman to scoop him out. Hurrah!

Life saved, drew the line at mouth to beak resuscitation though. Just blew on him. Was alive when we left. . I'm the Pamela Anderson of Poo. 🏊

Back on the tools, sq**rting the turds towards Pooman like my life depended on it. The skill it took not to sq**rt him squarely in the face....willpower was strong today.

What is it with those bloody white hoses..hard to hold on to, and turn off and on. The force nearly sent me over the pond, gloves wet, nearly threw me on my arse...stupid fecking hose.

Home and fed now. Might just lie in the sun like a cat.
Go the ABs. Poowife out.

07/07/2026

Well there seems to be a few newbies on the Poo Page, thought we had better reintroduce ourselves! - and yes, we always look this fabulous!

Darryl and Kylie Burrowes have owned and operated Allens Ashburton since 2004, when Josh was a mere toddler and Ella a twinkle in her fathers winkle...oh I mean eye.

We have now evolved to a busy team with 4 trucks on the road and a Chris. We love our Chris and want him to stay forever and no we are not holding him hostage at all...Shhh Chris, get back in the truck.

We have two not so Little S**ts, Josh who is now 24 with a beautiful wife Sarah, and is also our other driver, Josh, not Sarah (her feet don't reach the pedals). Yes we are blackmailing him, it's payback for all the food, power and love we gave him in the early years.

Our other Little S**t is the lovely Ella who is doing a plumbing apprenticeship with Ken Body Plumbing and loving every minute (absolute weirdo - the love of drains and s**t is strong in this family, along with money).

Many of you would have had some encounter with Darryl - aka Pooman. If not, what a treat you are in for! For some strange reason, he seems to be quite popular. Poowife has yet to figure this out...

Pooman has a vast and varied knowledge of drains, poo and septic tanks. Can find a mushroom without even looking, clear a drain in the blink of an eye but manages to lose his wallet and keys multiple times a week. Go figure.

And I'm Poowife. The creative genius (cough cough) behind this page and all the marketing and paying the bills, cooking the meals, doing the washing, invoicing, accounting, driving, everything else basically. Making sure Pooman is fed and watered before he heads out the door each day. Indispensable, fabulous and so under appreciated. (Great being the one that makes up these posts).

So that's us. Our business is your business...think about it. We have been in the s**t for over 20 years and love it! Well, 3 of us do...

Thanks for the support, likes and laughs over the years :)
Poowife out.

30/06/2026

🥳ATTENTION GRABBING HEADLINE 🥳

Do you want all your dreams to come true, well maybe not ALL your dreams....This is our genius marketing ploy to get more traffic to our Poo Page! A date with Pooman is up for grabs. Yes you heard that right! In exchange for your tag, like, share and follow our page, you or someone you know will go into the draw to party with Pooman.

You will be treated like Poowife 😂. A night at the local pub, a platter of deep fried goodness, a poke on the pokies (had you going there), a bag of jet planes and maybe a Shankys or two to round the night out. What a dream package. He might even shout you a Shandy or two!

Line up, line up, don't let this one pass you by. Date of your dreams up for grabs.

Or a $200 grocery voucher. Up to you. Like, tag, share till your little hearts content ♥️

May the force be with you ✨️
Will draw this Friday 10 July 2026 - random name generator. Prize cannot be exchanged for cash. :)

Locally owned and operated by Darryl and Kylie Burrowes since 2004. Ruralco Suppliers.
Prompt, friendly service. Septic tanks, Effluent Disposal, Drain cleaning and CCTV.

27/06/2026

I'd like you all to appreciate my new sheer curtains. Pooman has declared them old fashioned and pointless.
I'll just be over here biting my tongue.....

22/06/2026

We might have to change our name to Aliens Ashburton 👽. Looked out the window to see where Pooman had gotten to and P**F! he's been beamed up Scotty!

All that's left are his tattered slippers 😳.
If you spot him wandering around aimlessly, walking funny, emitting a green glow, give me a yodel...

12/06/2026

On this crisp winters day, a Friday as it was, a bargain was struck. Josh was tasked with cleaning Little Poo, to prepare it for a Cof. I was about to set the fire when I was struck with a genius plan. "Oh hark there son of mine...if I was to clean the Little Poo, will ye clean thy chimney?" Josh, who hates cleaning anything vehicular and also cleans chimneys as his side hustle, immediately shook on it. Deal 🤛. It was a win win situation for me as I was guaranteed that Little Poo would be cleaner that it had ever been and I get a clean flue. Hurrah!
Yes, I am one of those people who enjoys cleaning things. Go me.😁

Also... hit Josh up if you need a chimney sweep. 0279363818 Burrowes Chimneys.
(Bottle of wine will suffice Josh, thanks) 🍷