30/08/2026
I'm sharing my antidepressants story here to raise the awareness of protracted withdrawal injury.
I took citalopram 30mg for about 18 years, completely unaware of how dangerous it might be. It worked well for me but it pooped out about two years ago, and following GP's advice I decided to switch to mirtazapine because, alongside anxiety and panic attacks, I had developed insomnia.
I experienced initial withdrawal symptoms which I thought were pretty bad, but I didn't realise that the real withdrawal was about to unravel. I went back to work—not fully recovered, but functioning—and then, after about three months, a true hell opened its gates.
Terror, panic attacks, waves of extreme emotions, insomnia, complete loss of my personality and connection with others, severe agoraphobia, inability to deal with the smallest stress and many other horrible symptoms.
In desperate attempts to fix myself, I tried other medications that made me even worse. The worst was duloxetine, which triggered full-blown akathisia. I had it for over two months, and it was a pure torment and torture that no words can possibly describe.
All that time I kept taking mirtazapine, as it helped to regulate my sleep. I worked very hard to establish some sort of structure in my life, despite debilitating anxiety, depression, and a complete loss of my identity.
I had a pretty good few months' window where I made progress. However, a month ago, I experienced a wave of suicidal depression triggered by the hot weather (I have developed heat intolerance and hay fever due to the withdrawal injury) and ended up under the care of the crisis team. They suggested switching from mirtazapine to venlafaxine. It was unsuccessful—a textbook 'kindling' effect that left me losing my mind, so I went back to a low dose of mirtazapine (7.5mg) for sleep purposes only.
Now, I am going through withdrawal from tapering the mirtazapine (on top of the ongoing withdrawal from citalopram) and I am really suffering.
I am practically housebound and unable to work.
This recent experience has convinced me that I am suffering from a withdrawal injury, which I had suspected before.
It is a very lonely and isolating place.
It feels lonely because the medical establishment does not recognise withdrawal injury and misdiagnoses it as return of the original condition, also people simply do not know about it. Trying to explain what you are going through to others is incredibly difficult.
Thank you for taking the time to read it
