15/02/2026
Bore off with ya shave, ear and nose wax. It’s a god-damn barbers just to get ya hair cut. You don’t even book it online — you just turn up in the morning thinking you’ll be in and out before anything starts.
There’s already six blokes ahead of you, one kid spinning on a chair like it’s a fairground ride, and a fella who’s somehow been “next” since sunrise. You walk in for a quick trim before the day gets going and suddenly it’s a full morning commitment. I went in with bed hair and came out needing lunch.
Then when it’s finally your turn:
“Want a shave?”
“No.”
“Hot towel?”
“No.”
“Eyebrows, ears, nose wax?”
Mate, I’ve barely had a coffee. I just want less hair than I walked in with. I’m not here for a spa morning and a service history.
And there’s always one bloke in the chair asking for something that takes 45 minutes. “Yeah bro just a skin fade, beard sculpt, line-up…” He’s getting more attention than a wedding cake while the rest of us are ageing on the bench watching our morning disappear.
By the time you sit down you’re so relieved you’d agree to anything. Next thing you know your ears are on fire, your neck smells like aftershave from 1983, and you’ve tipped a fiver out of pure survival instinct. All I wanted was a short back and sides before the day started, not a test of endurance and a minor chemical peel.
