18/05/2015
So, let me share funny story with you guys that happened to me on one of my many drain cleaning expeditions that happened to me while I was working for a very well known and reputable plumbing company in Pretoria...
Late one Saturday afternoon, after my shift was done I get a call from my boss, let's just call him *Ben, asking me if I wouldn't mind to go and have a look at a problematic drain of a newly built and recently opened shopping center and as per usual, me being me, I incline to the request and said yes...to my own regret...
Upon arrival of the site I meet up with the shop manager, who takes me to the problem area (which they presume is the problem area) and ask me if I can do anything about it. Now, the raw sewerage water was all over the floor and there was an incredible stench in the deli area of all places in this particular store and again me being me I said bravely: "For sure I have never come across a drain that I can't unblock (this was co-incidently no lie and still rings true t this very day)" Boy, do I wish I had not uttered those words that day...
So, I start at the starting point obviously and try to get the story sorted out by unblocking the floor drains and even though I do manage to remove quite a bit of worrying objects such as hair nets, cloths, plastic and polystyrene I have no success whatsoever in getting the water to run away. I repeat the unblocking process at every point imaginable inside the shop and still keep removing foreign objects but still, no luck.
After a long session of drain cleaning and removing a hell of a lot of objects in every possible drain point I could find inside the shop(it was a huge store) and spending around two hours doing that I had no other choice but to take my tools and what little dignity I had left and go to the outside of the building...by this time the manager was seriously doubting my abilities and getting a little restless with me, as it was nearly time to lock up for the day. It took all the negotiation and conflict control skills I could muster to keep him calm and not call my boss.
So, outside the store I started rodding at the first cleaning eye in the line and again removed more foreign objects, how the managed to get so many cloths and hair nets in there before the drain blocked completely is still beyond me...needless to say the result was still not satisfactory, even after I cleaned the entire sewerage line up to the manhole. This is where things got really interesting...
The manhole at the municipal connection is 2m deep and for obvious reasons the pipe where I need to put my drain rod in is right at the very bottom. Funny part is, this manhole was filled with sewerage water to the brim. So what is a man to do? You can't blindly stick the rod in there and hope to get it in the hole - I tried for around 15 minutes and just could not get it right...time was running out and I really had to save face.
I asked my two helpers to go get me some big empty cardboard boxes - it was time for action. They looked at me funny and me being a little frustrated at this point in time didn't feel like explaining anything and asked them to just go already, I was on my way to go see the store manager.
When I eventually found the store manager, after looking for him for a good 15 minutes he immediately said to me: "Please tell me it's sorted" My reply was just:"Nope, I need a packet of condoms..." Now this request entices the funniest expression I have ever seen in my life, somewhere between completed pi**ed off and amused beyond comparison and he just asked me: "Are you going to screw it open as a last resort?" I burst out laughing as I realized how strange my request was...All I could reply was:"No, but I really need some protection for what I am about to attempt and I really don't want to explain what that entails." For some reason or other he didn't query me any further, but gave in to my request...what I didn't know is that he was so amused by this request that he was following me to see what the hell I was really up to.
When I got back to the manhole the guys had gathered enough big boxes for me and I asked them to open them up for me and explained that I wanted to have a cardboard wall around the manhole...they saw the condoms in my hand and started laughing uncontrollably and asked if I had a girl coming and expected them to hold a screen for me while I did whatever they thought I was going to do, this really made me fell stupid.
I then decided it might be a good time to explain exactly what it is that I was planning to do...The reason for the cardboard screen was that I was about to strip down completely to my birthday suit, put on a condom and then...well just dive into the job at hand so to speak. They could not believe my resolve to get this job done and laughed themselves into a stupor as I got myself ready for the crappiest dive in human history, that I know of anyway...
Standing there all prepped up to do the bravest, worst and dumbest thing I have ever done in my life, I just took hold of the drain rod at the front end and just...dived into it, now I gotta mention that is was winter at the time, so the water was freezing my whatever off. Nonetheless I got down to the bottom, inserted the rod and went back out, when I climbed I noticed that the freezing water had ensured that my 'manhood' was basically non existing and that the condom I put on had just dropped off as if there was absolutely nothing inside it as I climbed out, I heard a roaring laughter and looked up straight into the eyes of the store manager, the tears were streaming down his cheeks and he was beside himself with laughter.
I didn't get cold anymore, I felt so shy and blushed so much that I think if I hadn't been completely wet, you would've seen drops of sweat forming around my temples. I just mustered all the courage I could and desperate to get the job done I didn't even bother getting dressed. I just grabbed the rod and asked one of my helpers to swing the handle as I feverishly started pushing the forward and pulling it back as I could feel the "pigtail" hitting an obstacle. The first damn thing I hit, I felt it was hard so kept the pressure on the rod while Izak twisted the handle, then I decided it was time to pull the rod out to see if we had hooked whatever the object was. Low and behold, when the rod came out, all of a sudden the water level started going down...a damn coke can...I took a sewerage bath for a damn coke can!
The manager was so impressed with me in the end it landed me a R5000.00 bonus and a memory I will have for the rest of my life, a crappy one, but to me, a very funny one...
