05/14/2026
We did not write this. But it was to funny not share.
🚨🪵 EVENING OUTLOOK: TERMITE THUNDERDOME 🪵🚨
Good evening to everybody except them raggedy airborne wood roaches out here dive bombing porch lights like they paid rent in your walls. Gulf Coast lookin like somebody shook a busted bag of extra protein over the entire neighborhood tonight. 😭
You step outside for ONE peaceful moment and instantly got:
• termites in your hair
• termites in your sweet tea
• termites trying to register your lamp as a new subdivision
• one bold ass termite flying directly into your forehead like it got beef from high school
Meanwhile every gas station light from Louisiana to Florida got a full WWE Royal Rumble spinning around it. If your screen door opened more than 2.5 seconds tonight… congratulations. Your living room now accepts termites as dependents. 🫠
And why they always fly drunk sideways? Ain’t NONE of them got flight plans. Just vibes and property damage. One of em done landed on my neck and started looking around like he was shopping for crown molding.
Tonight’s official Gulf Coast forecast:
🌡 Warm
💨 Humid
🪰 97% chance of aerial splinters
🏚 Slight risk of your porch sounding crunchy by sunrise
Sleep tight. Tap them porch lights off before your house become an Airbnb for termite cousins named Skeeter-Ray and Cinnamon.
Stay petty. 🪵🔥
