06/13/2026
I’m going to be vulnerable for a minute.
This week was hard. Harder than most. It honestly hasn’t been this bad since last year, which is a blessing in itself, but at the same time it’s becoming harder to ignore that my health issues and symptoms are becoming more frequent.
I’m not a robot.
Sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I convince myself that if I just push harder, work longer, ignore the pain a little more, I’ll somehow outrun the circumstances of my life and the circumstances I am continued to be held in. IYKYK.
But that’s not how life works.
The harder you push against something that refuses to move, the faster you burn out. And I’m learning that burnout isn’t a matter of if, it’s a matter of when.
The scary part is that I literally can’t afford to burn out.
I can’t afford sick days. I can’t afford to stop. Every day I have to put one foot in front of the other because my kids need me. Bills need to be paid. Responsibilities don’t pause just because I’m exhausted.
One of the hardest realizations I’ve had over the past few years is understanding that good health is a luxury and a blessing. Stress, anxiety, living in survival mode, being stuck in fight-or-flight for years, it changes you. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically.
And the truth is, I don’t talk about my health much because I don’t even know how to acknowledge it. I don’t have insurance. I can’t afford specialists. I can’t afford surgery. So I do what I HAVE to, I put it in a box, shove it down, and keep moving through my day pretending everything is okay. Until it gets to a point where I physically can not get out of bed.
I know that’s not healthy.
I know ignoring it only makes things worse.
And honestly? That’s terrifying.
My biggest fear in life right now is not failing, it is that something will happen to me and nobody would know for days. Heaven forbid the kids are here. I don’t have family, people that swing by etc. So every night when I close my eyes, I pray that I wake up the next morning because I want to be here for my babies. This is the reality of my life.
But even in the middle of all of this, I am grateful.
I’m grateful for the people around me who understand. For the flexibility they’ve given me these past couple of weeks (really the past few years). For my clients who have shown grace while I’ve moved way slower than usual aka EVER.
The perfectionist in me hates it. I have finished car seats waiting to be delivered, tasks left undone, and it eats at me because I care deeply about what I do.
But I’m learning something I never wanted to learn:
I am human.
I have limits.
I have breaking points.
And sometimes slowing down isn’t weakness, it’s survival. It’s forced upon you by your own body.
Eventually I know something will HAVE TO GIVE, and in the poker game I’m in it can NOT be me. But I know I can’t keep pretending I’m invincible. Like it doesn’t affect me as much as it truly does.
Because I’m not invincible.
I am not a robot.
Even when I think and act like I am.
I’m just a mom doing the best I can, loving my kids fiercely, and praying that tomorrow I wake up and do it all over again to do what I am called to do. Love and serve others!
Thank you again, for everything, and loving us through the mess! ❤️
