02/05/2023
PARENTING
The texts flew in fast and furious from my 6th grader, just minutes after I had sent her off on the bus. She was frantic, I could tell by the way she was typing, about notes for her theatre class she had left in her lunch box. Which, so inconveniently, was sitting on our counter at home.
“Please, Mom. Can you just drop it off? I need it. It has the lines I need for my partner and I.”
The thing was, I couldn’t just drop it. I had a meeting/lunch 45 minutes away and then additional video work after that. I was on a tight schedule and I didn’t have a ton of wiggle room. I told her such and suggested that she message her teacher, grab notes from a friend, and an array of additional options.
I could literally hear the anxiety rising in her texts. See, this whole 6th grade thing has been a learning curve but by and large, my kids have been uber responsible. They are way more mature than I was in 6th grade. Junior highers are being tasked with things I didn’t face until high school.
But let me tell you, I was still on the fence of dropping it off, even texting “Your lack of preparedness does not constitute an emergency on my part.” I love that quote by the way.
And as I was jumping in the shower, still in debate, I thought about our week. How my girl rarely forgets anything. How I know her better than anyone. How I knew she had this sick feeling in her stomach. I know that anxiety. It’s the worst. And how she has been my biggest helper this week while I’m flying solo.
I couldn’t shake it. I legit hurt for her. I know it was an accident. I know she didn’t mean to stress out my morning or ruin my plans to dry my hair. That wasn’t how she wanted her day to go or mine. So I made a decision, even though I wanted to play tough cop and let her suffer the consequences. I didn’t dry my hair, put it back in a bun, and made the choice to drive her notes up to school. However, I did let her sweat it out, not responding to the 10 or so subsequent texts she sent.
I think there’s always those times, especially before you are in the throes of parenthood, of “Oh, I would NEVER… let them take the zero, etc.” And sometimes, I subscribe to those theories. The “you need to learn and you will never learn if I save you,” kinda thing.
HOWEVER.
You know YOUR kid. I know she wasn’t taking me for a ride and I know she wasn’t taking advantage of me. Yes, she’s fortunate to have a mom with a flex work schedule. But ultimately, she’s also a kid who gets up on her own, makes her own gourmet breakfast and tea, and takes care of her “stuff”, including making her own bed and putting clothes away. She’s not perfect, but nor am I.
We all need a little GRACE sometimes. A little grace goes a long way.
I want my kid to know that I will show up for her in her times of anxiety.
And I’ve also made it clear to her that this is her one “bail out” pass for the semester.
She won’t forget again.
I *may* have also picked up a couple of KinderJoys to put in said lunch box that carried said theater notes because, above all else, I wanted to ease that anxiety from her tummy.
Mommy knows that anxiety monster all too well. The one that you've planned and fretted about and who still manages to show up. He's a beast.
Who knows – I know others may have done it differently but my girl came home with a grateful heart and has gotten another lesson in empathy balanced by discipline of sweating it out, not knowing if I was going to drop it off. She gets it.
I think. This motherhood deal is tough. I think I made the right call.
