Durham Sweep Chimney Sweep.

31/07/2026

RAINING ☔️ MEN,

Still they keep on coming,
They’re coming again and again,
The Weather Girls knew - in 82,
When they sang It’s Raining Men!

30/07/2026

30/07/2026

LITTLE DONKEY!

Summer time is here,
The sun is shining bright,
I’ve gone and bought a donkey,
Oh what a lovely sight,

The weather will not beat us,
When I come to sweep your flue,
My donkey is so agile,
I’m sure to get through,

It’s also Eco Friendly,
There’s no fumes to omit,
Feed hay in at the front end,
Out the back you just get s**t,

The s**t will be collected,
Then put it in a sack,
When I get home to Cockfield,
I’ll store it out the back,

I’ll put it on my onions,
It’s good for so much more,
So if you see me and donkey,
Please make way - Eeh Awwh!

27/07/2026

RIP!

She served them well for 13years,
I swept her through a stream of tears,
One last time I cleaned her stack,
Her bricks are broke - her glass is cracked,

I’ve done my best replacing parts,
I said goodbye - with a heavy heart,
Soon to be an empty space,
Then a brand new model to replace,

I wore my black armbands,
It’s what was expected,
It won’t be long now,
She’ll be disconnected,

Out with the old,
In with the new,
With her bright shiney glass,
And a much clearer view,

Younger and prettier,
More efficient in fact,
Slimmer and sleeker,
Much more compact,

How long will she last,
Nobody knows,
The old one’s forgotten,
To scrap yard she goes!

21/07/2026

RAW DEAL!

On the 8th July,
I thought I would try,
A dish that sounded quite nice,

It couldn’t be ignored,
On the French specials board,
Expensive - but to hell with the price

Alas when it came,
I did not feel the same,
The egg on the top wasn’t cooked,

Sue asked what did I think,
As the meat’s looking pink,
By then I was totally f******,

I then took a look,
At my little phrase book
I wished I’d done it before,

Steak Tartare - the main course,
Is finely chopped horse,
And to top it the whole meal is RAW!

19/07/2026

THE FRENCH BASTARDS!

I’ve been away on holiday,
I saw this sign by chance,
It was fixed above a little shop,
In Lille - that’s northern France,

A sign that’s so descriptive,
They should sing it in a song,
The Brits for years have called the French,
But they knew it all along!

19/07/2026

TRAX!

As seasoned bike riders,
We love our fat tyres,
They go anywhere that we need,

In woods or a beach,
Other people can’t reach,
Very rarely we do not succeed,

As a matter of fact,
With a Cyrusher Trax,
We go everywhere that we please,

We just point and shoot,
We cannot dispute,
Everywhere’s conquered with ease!

19/07/2026

HOT STUFF!

Driving along,
Just Suzie and me,
We saw a balloon,
It was stuck in a tree,

We pulled over to help,
We couldn’t do much,
With bag full of rods,
And a chimney sweep brush,

I then had a brainwave,
Not a minute to spare,
I huffed and I puffed,
I’m full of hot air,

Soon it was airborne ,
It went on its way,
Durham Sweep to the rescue,
Hip Hip Hooray!

16/07/2026

There was a crooked chimney,
It had a crooked flue,
Today I went to sweep it,
Now my rods are crooked too,

I had a crooked drink,
But I had to wait a while,
But then I paid the bill in cash,
I got a crooked smile!

15/07/2026

CLEAN MACHINE!

Four Windows Cleaning Services,
What a transformation,
Cleaning signs - to make them shine,
As he cleans across the nation!

Cleaning road signs one by one,
Until the dirt and grime has gone,
For dirty sign’s there’s no escape,
Not all heroes wear a cape!