15/10/2026
Yesterday, a family asked me for my thoughts on whether their granddaughter should see her mum one last time.
I’ve worked with many families navigating this kind of loss, and it’s a question that comes up more often than you might think.
As a mother myself, I understand that instinct to protect children from anything that might hurt them. But through my work, I’ve also come to understand that protecting children from death and helping them understand it aren’t necessarily the same thing.
I believe children deserve to be included in conversations about death and grief, in ways they can understand. There isn’t one right answer. Every child is different, every loss is different, and what feels right for one family may not for another.
When children are left out of these conversations, they can be left trying to make sense of things on their own. Sometimes what they imagine can be far more frightening than the reality. And sometimes, being included gives them an opportunity to ask questions, understand what’s happened and lean into grief in their own way.
What I do encourage is honesty. Explain gently what they might see, answer their questions, and give them a choice. Let them know it’s perfectly okay to change their mind, even at the last minute.
And importantly, being included doesn’t necessarily mean viewing. For children who don’t want to see their loved one, there are other meaningful ways to say goodbye.
After years of working with grieving families, one thing I feel strongly about is this:
Protecting children from grief and supporting them through it are two very different things.
Perhaps the question isn’t always how we protect children from death, but how we help them make sense of it. ❤️
