Jim's Cryptids

Jim's Cryptids Specialising in the humane removal of all kinds of cryptids and weird sh*t. Call us for a quote today!

I've heard about these bastaefs. Remember they can't physically enter your house or a salt circle without permission. Ke...
24/02/2019

I've heard about these bastaefs. Remember they can't physically enter your house or a salt circle without permission. Keep it entertained with magic/k tricks and give us a holler. We'll take care of it for as little as $15,000 dollarydoos

Got a call from the QEII Hospital about a possible skinwalker. False alarm, it's just a crackhead. Collected our callout...
16/02/2019

Got a call from the QEII Hospital about a possible skinwalker. False alarm, it's just a crackhead. Collected our callout fee and instructed them to call someone who gives a damn because it's not our fu**in problem. Saturdays are for the boys

Get the boomsticks, we got a Deadite problem in Macgregor
15/02/2019

Get the boomsticks, we got a Deadite problem in Macgregor

Better put my removin' boots on
15/02/2019

Better put my removin' boots on

Unseasonal cold front around Acacia Ridge/Coopers Plains today caused by a Snow Goose migration. We're trying to get the...
12/02/2019

Unseasonal cold front around Acacia Ridge/Coopers Plains today caused by a Snow Goose migration. We're trying to get the portal closed. Like seriously though, who in F**K'S NAME thinks it's a GOOD F**KEN IDEA to make deals with ENTITIES YOU CAN'T EVEN F**KEN SEE?! YOU WANT GEESE? CUZ THAT'S HOW YOU GET F**KEN GEESE!

Crimson Light Organisms in the A/C again. Clean your filters at least every 24 months, or we can do it anually for as lo...
11/02/2019

Crimson Light Organisms in the A/C again. Clean your filters at least every 24 months, or we can do it anually for as low as $8000. They're generally friendly, but they're also vehement tankies and Soviet apologists. Don't mention politics around them or you'll never hear the end of it.

Early morning report of mutilated bull sharks in the Brown Snake around Fairfield, thought we had a Nessie on our hands ...
10/02/2019

Early morning report of mutilated bull sharks in the Brown Snake around Fairfield, thought we had a Nessie on our hands so we were packing serious heat. Turns out it was just this guy in the black shirt. Caught a fu***ff big catfish too, what an absolute chad.

Ah f**kya, not again
09/02/2019

Ah f**kya, not again

Just got back to the office. We had a call out from someone in Yeerongpilly complaining of typical Riverbat infestation-...
09/02/2019

Just got back to the office. We had a call out from someone in Yeerongpilly complaining of typical Riverbat infestation-related symptoms. Knocking and scratching through the walls, quiet chittering and giggling so we went in fully expecting to get pranked by these little bastards. Nope, no knife trap by the door, no glue on the stairs. We bust out the EVP reader to look for polterghoost signatures, nada. Just what sounded like legs...

Turns out it was a Psitipede. His name is Craig, he's a pretty decent bloke. He was trying to con the owners of the house out of their title deed. Just remember m'dudes, Psisects have minimal understanding of our morals and virtues despite their recent uplifting. We explained that con jobs are usually seen as not very nice, he was apologetic and came quietly. We offered to help him find an apartment on Monday morning.

If you're worried you may have a psisect occupation, leave out a mozzarella and ayahuasca sammich on your most welcoming looking plate and turn the lights off. If you hear it havin' a munch, just think friendly thoughts and offer it more for cooperation. Give us a call and we'll take it from there for the low price of $2k or 15 8balls.

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The Fortress Of The Moles
Brisbane, QLD
4075

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