25/05/2026
EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE REVIEW
Name: Annie
Department: Field scouting
Job title: Head of bin scouting and quality control
You may have seen our newest employee out and about on the job recently, riding shotgun and looking very serious. We've had some questions about her role, so management decided it was time to hand down her first official review.
Key Performance Indicators (KPI's)
1. Bin scouting and target acquisitions
• Rating: Elite ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
• Comments - Outstanding focus. She can lock in a bin scent in from over 3 blocks away. She takes her role VERY seriously; if you see her out on the job, please note that she strictly REFUSES pats until the job is complete.
2. Territory protection & competitor relations
• Rating: Highly Vocal ⭐️⭐️⭐️
• Comments: Extremely protective of the business's turf. If a rivalry dog is spotted, she immediately launches into a loud territorial lecture to let them know they are trespassing on our route.
3. Vehicle etiquette and space invading
• Rating: Needs swift intervention ⭐️⭐️
• Comments: Has zero concept of personal space in the front seat. She demands the centre console or the drivers 'lap' for cuddles, which is highly disruptive when trying to navigate roundabouts.
4. Workplace lunches & peer relations
• Rating: Borderline Extorsion ⭐️
• Comments: Operates under the assumption that the entire shift is a lunch break. Furthermore, she treats her co-workers lunch as shared property, often demanding a food tax of around a third of any meat pie or sandwich from anyone sitting next to her.
AREAS FOR DEVELOPMENT:
• Needs to understand that the driver needs visibility of the right hand mirror at all times
• Must learn to pack her own lunch and snacks instead of relying heavily on her co-workers handouts
FINAL VERDICT:
Even though her space invading tactics and workplace lunch theft are a nightmare for HR, her unparalleled bin-sniffing talent makes her irreplaceable.
STATUS:
Probation passed - retained as head of scouting, on the condition she stays on her side of the ute! Welcome to the crew 🎉
