25/08/2026
MEET OUR NEWEST EMPLOYEE
Name: Ollie
Position: Junior Operations Manager / Workplace Distraction
After an extensive recruitment process, we’re pleased to introduce the newest member of the team.
Skills:
• Can’t stand on his own, but already has strong opinions on how things should be run.
• Zero industry experience, but somehow secured the position through family connections.
• Takes regular naps on company time.
• Requires assistance with all meals and bathroom breaks.
• Frequently turns up to work without pants.
• Cannot operate any company equipment, but is extremely interested in the keys.
• Has already been caught sleeping on the job multiple times.
Despite his complete lack of qualifications, inability to walk, talk or perform any useful workplace task, management believes he has excellent long-term potential.
Please welcome our newest (and definitely cutest) employee, Ollie. 💙